"Fut" is NOT a Word

If you have children who are anywhere over the age of two, you have probably begun to negotiate the tricky world of BAD WORDS.

Let's just be clear up front that I have very little good advice about this topic, I just have some slightly funny experience.

When our girls were five and two they were obsessed with the song Hot and Cold by Katy Perry. If you are not familiar with the lyrics of this deep, deep song I'll help you out: "You PMS like a bi*ch, I would know."

Go ahead and imagine my adorable children bopping around singing that at the top of their lungs.

What, us?!? We would never repeat a bad word.

Now, we should take a moment to address an important tenet of my parenting philosophy here...my husband and I do not go out of our way to shelter our girls. While we are not regularly dropping F-bombs in front of them, we don't turn off music or movies with the occasional bad word, because LIFE has bad words in it, people. I offer this explanation in case you're wondering why we didn't just play the Kids Bop version for them...

Also, Kids Bop makes me want to scratch my ears out.

Back to Katy Perry. After about three days of listening to my darlings sing "Bi*ch" over and over and over again, I took a page from a friend's play book. I calmly explained "Girls, Bi*ch is a word that only adults say. It is not appropriate for kids."

This did NOT nip the problem in the bud. Later in the day, our snuggly toddler brought over a book to "read" to me. The story went something like this: "Bi*ch, bi*ch, bi*ch...bi*ch, bi*ch, BIIIII*CH!"

When our oldest was in first grade, she came home one day and asked "Mommy, What does fut mean?"
I went with the theory that you should always give children the simplest answer to their questions and replied: "Fut is not a word."
She persisted, "Oh yeah it is. Tyler told me that fut is a BAAAAAD word."
"Nope, not a word."

The next day Tyler enunciated more clearly and also showed her the hand gesture, which she promptly taught to the three-year-old.

As our daughters get older, I have found an updated version of the "These are words that only adults say" approach. I appeal to their pride. I say "Sometimes people say bad words, but there are lots of places where it is never appropriate to say these words. Do you know why I'm ok with you hearing these words? Because I know that you are such polite and grown up girls, that you realize these are not words you should say."

Recently, our daughter caught a bug for The Phantom of the Opera (Probably my least favorite musical on the planet, only because Cats doesn't even count as a musical). After listening to the screeching-singing for a week, I intervened. I said "Come watch this musical called Les Miserables. I think you will love it" 

She DID love it. It also has a surprising number of swear words (and prostitutes, but that's a whole 'nother blog post.) I finally had to say "Please stop looking at me every time they say a bad word. It's not that shocking."

So to review, I have no real strategy for bad words. I alternate between trying to remove the taboo and just reinforcing that there are just words kids don't say.

Sometimes I just say "Fut it" and play some Eminem for them.

Kidding. So kidding.