Cardigans and Yoga Pants

I'm going there.  Prepare yourself.  No, not the yoga pants.  The working vs. stay-at-home-mom debate.

I have now officially lived for 2.5 months as a stay at home mom.  Making me TOTALLY not an expert, but has that ever stopped me from weighing in before?  Nope.

For 13+ years I worked full time.  8 of those years while also parenting children along with my husband.  I assure you that it is absolutely possible to work full time and raise children well.  It involves careful scheduling, freezer meals and cramming a lot of stuff into weekends.  Also, if there are two adults actively participating in the parenting, that is a major bonus.

To be honest with you, I never understood why anyone would want to be a stay at home parent.  I'm sure some people adore being home all day with babies, but I liked working outside my home far more than that experience.  I loved the creativity, energy and interactions that my job as a teacher allowed me. Once children went to school I was extremely baffled by what someone would DO all day. It does not take 7 hours to produce food for your family.

After 2.5 months, here are my very un-expert findings: Being a stay at home mom allows me time to devote to my family.  I don't mean that I cater to their every whim, or even make their beds for them in the morning. However, I'm not trying to straighten my hair at 6:25 a.m. while yelling "Is everyone wearing shoes?!?"

I have 5 minutes to sit down with the girls after school.  I have time to reflect on things and think them through instead of running non-stop and making snap decisions because I forgot to research something or talk it over with my husband.  At night, when I would have been simultaneously emptying the dishwasher, packing lunches and brainstorming lesson ideas, I am now able to play with my kids (At least every once in a while.)  While it is not the challenge for my brain that teaching was, being a stay at home mom has brought some calm and balance to my life and therefore to my family's life as well.

I once read a hilarious list about ways to know if you're dating/married to a teacher. One read "At the end of the day, she resembles a frizzy witch in a cardigan." That was me in a nutshell- frizzy, witchy AND cardigan-y.  I can safely say that being a stay at-home mom has eliminated much of the witchy-ness at the end of the day.  I no longer yell at the kid who is taking an extra long time in the shower.  And while I haven't broken out the cardigans yet, I do find myself slightly overdressed much of the time since I don't seem to own a lot of yoga pants.

Exactly how I felt at the end of every work day.

Just in case you're wondering what I DO all day... I go to the gym instead of paying for a membership I never used.  I grocery shop so that I'm not taking up half of Saturday.  I clean and organize stuff so that we can actually find it without running around screaming at the last minute.  I go to programs at the girls' school.  I've been to 4 of these in the past months, compared to 2 the entire 8 years I was working.

What else do I do?  I look for a job.

Exciting news!  I am now a contributor for the NW Arkansas Moms Blog.  Look for a link to my first post coming soon!

"Not Everyone Gets a Trophy" is hard to explain to an 8-year-old

One afternoon my beautiful, smart 8-year-old girl got off the bus and said to me "There's a super fun carnival at school tonight and we can't go because we have dance.  Dance ruins everything and I lost the election and I get all the wrong answers in class."  She started sobbing.  Cue the rain (Seriously, it started pouring on us as we walked home. The only thing missing was the dramatic music and perhaps a montage of all the other dramatically sad things in her 8-year life.)

This was not the tween drama that is starting to appear in our lives.  This was pure sadness and disappointment.  She sat on my lap and cried.  I am not good at dealing with this sadness.  I tried explaining that I have wanted something many times and it didn't work out.  I tried explaining that I make mistakes every day.  I'm not sure it helped.  I've studied psych and child development, worked with kids for 15 years and I'm pretty much useless in the face of a lost third grade election.

This year seems to be filled with more disappointments than past years.  There was another election (It's a monthly thing) and we helped her plan a speech and make a poster.  It came down to a tie-breaker and she lost by one vote, but told me she congratulated the winner and shook his hand.  That time I did better.  I told her hearing that made me more proud than if she had won the election.

Yesterday the parts for the third grade musical were posted.  She did not get one.  She said to me "The kids that didn't get a part don't even get to be in the musical."  I had no answer for that.  (It's not true, by the way. I felt so bad I emailed the music teacher.)

Trust me! I am not the parent that thinks everyone should get a trophy.  I do not believe that my little snowflake is any more special than yours.  I've seen first hand the results of too much praise for too little work. I've also seen the results of parents that intervene too much for their children.  I don't want to raise one of those children.

What I would like is a script.  I think it is something like "Sometimes you get a special job and sometimes you don't.  Sometime you win and sometimes you lose.  When you are disappointed, you look for ways to work harder next time."  I just wish that was easier to explain in the face of disappointment.