"Not Everyone Gets a Trophy" is hard to explain to an 8-year-old

One afternoon my beautiful, smart 8-year-old girl got off the bus and said to me "There's a super fun carnival at school tonight and we can't go because we have dance.  Dance ruins everything and I lost the election and I get all the wrong answers in class."  She started sobbing.  Cue the rain (Seriously, it started pouring on us as we walked home. The only thing missing was the dramatic music and perhaps a montage of all the other dramatically sad things in her 8-year life.)

This was not the tween drama that is starting to appear in our lives.  This was pure sadness and disappointment.  She sat on my lap and cried.  I am not good at dealing with this sadness.  I tried explaining that I have wanted something many times and it didn't work out.  I tried explaining that I make mistakes every day.  I'm not sure it helped.  I've studied psych and child development, worked with kids for 15 years and I'm pretty much useless in the face of a lost third grade election.

This year seems to be filled with more disappointments than past years.  There was another election (It's a monthly thing) and we helped her plan a speech and make a poster.  It came down to a tie-breaker and she lost by one vote, but told me she congratulated the winner and shook his hand.  That time I did better.  I told her hearing that made me more proud than if she had won the election.

Yesterday the parts for the third grade musical were posted.  She did not get one.  She said to me "The kids that didn't get a part don't even get to be in the musical."  I had no answer for that.  (It's not true, by the way. I felt so bad I emailed the music teacher.)

Trust me! I am not the parent that thinks everyone should get a trophy.  I do not believe that my little snowflake is any more special than yours.  I've seen first hand the results of too much praise for too little work. I've also seen the results of parents that intervene too much for their children.  I don't want to raise one of those children.

What I would like is a script.  I think it is something like "Sometimes you get a special job and sometimes you don't.  Sometime you win and sometimes you lose.  When you are disappointed, you look for ways to work harder next time."  I just wish that was easier to explain in the face of disappointment.