Sunday, January 15, 2017

Mom Guilt: Sorry, not sorry.

We need to talk about a very important topic: Mom Guilt.

This topic is important because it is a giant load of garbage.  It is the invention of a modern society with both too much and too little time on its hands.

I want to discuss this topic so we can all NEVER mention it again.

I didn't even know that mom guilt was a thing from which I wasn't, but should, be suffering until I started reading blogs. I heard women bemoaning the fact that they were not spending time playing with their children because they had to work or fold laundry or cook.  Women feel guilty because they choose to tackle housework or job-work or just take time for themselves during daylight hours while they still have a shred of energy left.  They spend all day providing for and caring for their families, but then feel guilty when they occasionally go out with friends or get a manicure. This is madness!


Ladies, let's go back in time to the days of the pioneers.  Do you think Ma Ingalls (Obviously the paragon of pioneer women) even stopped and said "I feel so guilty. I should be playing with Laura and Mary right now instead of peeling these potatoes"?!? Heck no! That woman was busy washing laundry in a stream and fighting off bears. Her kids grew up fine.

Jump ahead more than a few decades to the 1980's.  I remember only a few times when my mother sat down to play with me.  The times I do remember, I was probably 3. By the time I was able to not stick metal into outlets when left unsupervised for 20 minutes, I was playing dollhouse or making up plays by myself in the basement for hours. I was an only child and I still managed to play happily by myself.

Now, I'll agree that from time to time it is nice to play with your kids. but who invented this idea that it is a parent's job to entertain their children? Children are capable of entertaining themselves. They can play with all the junk we buy for them. When they get bored of that, they can play with siblings. I tell my kids "Play with your sister. Why do you think I had two of you?"

Without waxing too prophetic on another topic on which I am not an expert, I will tell you that children need time alone to develop creative thinking skills. Traits like originality and the ability to interact with others don't come from playing with you, they come from being given the space and time to make choices, create and play with other children.


Mom guilt gets also gets me riled up because it is pure sexism. Have you ever heard of Dad guilt? Has any man ever said "Wow, I couldn't even enjoy golf today because I kept thinking that I should be spending the time with my kids."? I won't insult your intelligence by answering my own rhetorical questions. Mom guilt comes to you from the same folks that call assertive women "bitchy" and imply that women do not have the necessary faculties to control their own fertility. We tell women they should do it all, but then make them feel guilty for DOING it all. Garbage.

We are all caring, giving women. We spend hours with our children. They are bathed, clothed, fed, supervised, read-to, worried-about, transported, supported and continually helped by us. They will grow into well-adjusted, self-reliant humans because they have parents who get stuff done and take time for themselves.

I refuse to feel guilty about not feeling guilty. Sorry, not sorry.

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